six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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