I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
