you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
