A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
