If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
