Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
