oh god the rape fog is back!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
