Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize