You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
