Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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