wat bout pragnant strippers??
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you had me at cake vodka
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
