He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
