After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Boobs speak an international language.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
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