I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
