i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
