dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
