i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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