oh god the rape fog is back!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
