She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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