please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
