"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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