AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
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Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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