I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
