If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
