GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
