i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
