Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
