I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
