for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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