M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
