I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
