i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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