i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
