I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
