foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
