i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
no, he came in my armpit
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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