Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My ass is underappreciated
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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