I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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