My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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