I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.