Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect