If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.