it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"