Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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