So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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