would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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