We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
