Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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