I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
