lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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