3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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