He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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