The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
