This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
