Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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