I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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