do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
