He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
