I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
