Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
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I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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