so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
