Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
