I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
