Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize